Fat and furry
by Blesse
Summary: Basically our favourite fat boy gets cursed because of his big mouth. Unfortunately his anger is unleashed on a poor redhead who has to put up with his wild mood swings, unrighteous discrimination and...apparantly HAIRBALLS.
1. Chapter 1

This is a re-upload of the first I'm really sorry for all the inconvenience.

I don't own any of the South park charachters,they belong to their rightful owners

Cartman's POV;

Shit, shit, shit….Son of a bitch…I can't believe this ,I really can't believe this. It can't be happening….God, I hate minorities ,I fucking hate all those cocksuckers, especially the ones with supernatural powers. These fucks deserve the full power of God's wrath, which unfortunately right now is concentrated on my balls. Oh, man its so fucking damn cold out here that my nuts are on the edge of falling off. And this stupid fur instead of keeping me warm makes my ass freeze even more. Damn the stupid weather ,damn fucking Colorado and damn my good for nothing luck. Seriously how did my life got so fucked up in less then a day .I mean here I'm minding my own business at the gay Gypsy fair and next thing I know some stupid old hag turns me into a cat. And for what? A little name calling and she freaks out. Plus it isn't like I said something that's not true. Just by looking at her you can say that she is a lazy crockadillapig with personality of a ho and a vagina big and sandy like a Hawaiian beach . Stupid I return to my old self I promise she will bleed from every fucking exit of her body. But right now I need to find someone who will take me to a warm place. Cat or not I won't sleep on the street .It won't be that hard .This is the center of South Park and everyone who is coming back from the stupid fair can be my ticket to a warm bed for the night .Not to mention that people are total suckers for cats. Yes it will be easy I just need to…. Wait what is that noise? Oh, fuck ,fuck!Not another car….it's coming in fast…no time to run, please for God's sake don't splash me again, pleaaaaaase…and of course it splashed me. AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGH I HATE MY LIFE. That's it. I'll die here probably freezing to death and nobody will know. Why? Why me,God? Why do I deserve such terrible death? Why? Why?

-''Hey, kitty, what's wrong with you?''

WTF….Kahl?

Kyle's POV;

I was just heading back home from the Gypsy fair when I saw something interesting on the side walk .The said ''fair'' was actually a bunch of gypsies traveling around America, showing cheap acrobatic tricks and selling overprized junk. But still the whole town gathered up to see it .It was a good enough excuse for my mom to kick me and Ike out of the house. She gave us some money,10 dollars for me and 5 for my brother and with a sweet smile ,but a stern look she told us to have fun(out of the house) . Ike suggested that our parents were going to have some ''adult fun'' ,but I knew better. This was the time when they were going to discuss (and plan)

mine and Ike's future, talking about how I'm going to a law university and blah,blah,blah. I didn't want to be a lawyer, couldn't she comprehend the real problem here was me not her.I had no clue what to do with my life ant it pissed me off to no seemed appealing enough for ,doctor,engineer and etc .Yeah, well paid and respectet proffesions,but was this what i wanted from life.I wasn't sure.I wanted to do something that would make me feel good about myself.I wanted to do something that mattered,but I...just didn't know what was it .I envied so much people who had somekind of talent-singing,drawing, that they're really good I...well I had mediocre skills in all these departments,nothing special.I felt so out of was like my life was over even before it had begun. It was just so so while I was dealing with my inner problems on my way home from the ''fair'', I saw something postponed my problems for a while -a little cat. Well, little wasn't really the right word, because it was morbidly obese. All of its fur was drenched and muddy. But the funny thing was that the cat had its paws on its ears and it was shaking its head like mad. Maybe it was hurt ,but still I really couldn't help but chuckle to myself (I'm a horrible person).

-''Hey ,kitty, what's wrong with you?''

When the feline saw me it froze in horror. Poor thing. I guess it had a ruff day. Perhaps it got lost ,but seeing no collar ,I figured that it was probably abandoned . I felt sorry for the cat ,but I couldn't take it home. As long as I can remember mother was never to fond on animals ,particularly when it came to her home .It will be easier breaking into the White house that bringing any kind of furry creature into the abode, death or alive .With that knowledge I decided to leave the cat there in hope that someone else will take it. Just when I was starting to walk away it started meowing.

-''Look, I really-…'',and then I was trapped by the most captivating eyes I've ever seen .They were huge and almond shaped .But the most beautiful part was their colour-it was pure gold.

-''Meow'', the sound awoke me from my trance.

-''I'm sorry but I can't take you with me….but then again I can't leave you here either, can I

?''

-''Meow''

I'm talking to a cat….I feel like total retard.

Cartam's POV;

What a total retard….does he really expect me to answer any of his stupid Jew questions .Is he blind or something. I'm a motherfucking cat for Christ sake(but then again Jews don't believe in Christ)and cats don't talk. Sometimes I really wonder why I hang around dumb cunts like him. Well at least he didn't leave(thanks to my ''sweet kitty'' technique ,at one point I even thought he wanted to kiss me).All of sudden Kahl is stretching his hands towards ,lookie here!Kahl is going to pick me up and carry me is priceless,just only he'd known...oh, the look on his face...PRICELESS

-''Meow, meow,meow,meoooooow!''

OK...This is unexpected.I don't have any clothes on(for obvious reasons) and I feel his cold long fingers are caressing my naked body .The sensation is absolutely ... Having fur isn't helping feeling less violated .I tried to escape ,but it's just impossible with his deadly Jew grip.

-''Stop wriggling around, I'll drop you like that. Hey ,hey stop that! Ouch!''

I scratched the damn day-walker on the wrist .The wound is bleeding that is a scoree for justice.

-''Fuck!...Look kitty I won't hurt you I promise just calm down. '',Well of course you wouldn't hurt me you're too much of pussy for that, which doesn't mean that I want mental scars for life .The idiotic Jewrat obviously isn't that smart . I can see in his greedy eyes that he wants to try picking me up again. Well ,because I'm the smart one I guess I have to surrender .Jew or not I WON'T SLEEP ON THE STREET.

-''See it isn't that bad'', yeah, yeah whatever. Just move your scrawny Israelite legs faster .I'm fucking freezing ,

-''Oh, man you're shivering pretty bad. ''Well ,no shit a minute. Why on earth is he unzipping his jacket ?With two swift movements the Jew unzippes it, puts me in it and zippes it back again.(Man, Jews are fast with their hands.) And now I'm pressed to his dirty body ,and his is holding me tightly with his hands. What the fuck is he thinking!Is he not only a fag ,but a zoophile too?He truly is a foul creature….but a warm foul creature so for now I'm going to put up with him. Just for now.

-''Don't worry kitty everything will be okay.''

As I said earlier-What a total retard.


	2. Chapter 2

So here is chapter two.I must apologize for all the mistakes in the previous one.I'm really sorry but I guess using Notepad isn't really the smartest idea. I re-uploaded it so I recomend re-reading it (its not like a whole new thing,but I think it still makes a difference).

Anyway I must also thank you for all your reviews and favourites they were sweet like candy.

Thank you so much and I'm really sorry again.

I don't own any of the South park charachters,they belong to their rightful owners

Cartman's POV;

Oh,fuck...I think i'm gonna ,I take my words back being carried by the Jew is so not damn thing just can't walk like a normal human all this jumping around I'm sure that sooner or later I'll lose my lunch(wait I didn't have lunch...fuck).Damn you, ...WTF

-''Whoops,sorry kitty almost dropped you''.

Yeah ,you fucking retard ,you ALMOST DROPPED stop chuckling like a damn pedophile and hold me yeah,now shove me into your armpit so I can die from your disgusting Jew smell and when I said hold me tighter I didn't meant suffocating me, Lord, I'm gonna die in here... do you know?The Jew actualy , I'm surprised.I thought that he and his kind didn't take baths regularly because they were saving from water ...I can sense a faint smell of some cheap lemony soap and something like a...like a..like a...well I can't put my finger on it,but I know that particular smell is familiar to from where?...Aha..my mother's shower , ha ,ha ,ha...I can't believe it.I really can't believe Jew is faggier than I ,I can't wait to get my old self back and tell the guys about you wait day-walker I'm gonna make you life hell.

-''No worries 're almost is gonna be fine.''

This habbit of him talking to me when actually he is talking to himself starts to really annoy me.

Kyle's POV;

-No worries 're almost is gonna be fine.

This was way easier said than is going to be was going to be fine because the moment I took a step inside the house I knew that my mom was going to see me,she would ask what am i hiding i'll say nothing,then she'll keep asking until I lose my temper and we will have a the end I'm going to give in.I'll show her the cat and she'll make me throw it away saying that we can't have ,I felt like I was 10 years old again(thought I was almost 17).This was so frustrating. So not in thought I hadn't noticed that I was already in our front heart was about to sun was setting.I knew I had no choice I had to go ,Kyle you can do it,nothing to worry about(who am I kidding).Just calm 's it good -right,left-right, open the a boy,Kyle.

When I opened the door it !I thought I was busted.I waited but nothig relief I entered the house holding the cat with one hand under my jacket.I tried to take my shoes as fast as possible,but doing it on one foot with one hand(and the cat in the other) is quite difficult.I stumbled forward and the cat plunged its nails in my noticing I ,FUCK,FUCK,FUCK,FUCK,FUCK,FUCK,FUCK,FUCK,...that's it I might as well say goodbye to the little fellow.

-''Kyle is that you?''-I heard from the kitchen.

GAME OVER KYLE YOU ARE at least thats what I thought.

-''Kyle,honey, is that you?''

Okay Kyle get your shit together,this still isn't over.

-''Yeah ma, it's me''-I yelled back.

-''Are you okay honey?''- her voice rose again

-''Yeah,ma,I'm fine''-I felt my own voice betraying me

-''Well,then Bubbele go upstairs and fetch your brother .We're having dinner''

Oh,mercyful God,thank you,thank you!

-''Oh,Kyle''-Fuck.I rejoiced too early.

-''Yeah,ma''

-''Don't forget to wash,dear.''

Cartman POV;

-''OK,ma''

One,two,three,four,five,six,seven,eight...and I stopped counting the that because if I wanna know how many goddamn stairs there are in this goddamn house I can just count the bumps on my head.I swear to God that I have a concussion after that kike climbed those stairs.I'm starting to think that he somehow found out about my real idenity and now he is going to torture me slowly to of course that's Jew doesn't believe in anything supernatural(I can still remeber that time when we had a bet about the leprechaun,though it pisses me off that I didn't get my prize,but, hey, there is time for everything...)except Mr Hanky. With a loud thud he shuts the door close and leans his back on it.I can feel his heart trying to jump out of his rib breathing is breath hot like I felt something hitting my nose.A new and strange smell invaded my is everywhere around me and I can't help but try to find the source of it.

Sniff,sniff,sniff,sniff,sniff,sniff,sniff,sniff,sniff,sniff,sniff

Yes,yes,'s it...Almost there... eyes flew open (strange I hadn't really notice closing them) and i saw an...?And now I realize that I was actually sniffing the damn day-walker's armpit.I can't believe isn't CAN'T be true!OMG!Something in me broke.I felt a jolt in my spine and without knowing I jumped from his hands.

THIS ISN'T TRUE.

I DIDN'T...I COULDN'T...I didn't act like a... cat in heat just because of the Jew's . If this ever happened to someone else I would die laughing,but now I didn't feel like laughing at all.

-''Calm down kitty,calm down''-Calm wants me to calm down.I calm you down you little...I realized that I wasn't speaking,but for the first since I was turned into a cat I was feeling fully aware of my body.

Ears back.

Tail swiping angrilly around.

Legs ready to jump.

Eyes on the target.

Just you come,you smelly Jew,and I'll make your pretty face into just like that as if he has heard my inner voice he started coming from the stupid look on his face he probably thinks of petting me as will be for a big just then a loud knock on the door interrupted us. The stupid kike jumped in surprise.

-''Kyle are you there?...The dinner is ready,come down stairs.''

-''In a minute,dad.''

Great the one moment I get to teach him a lesson and he gets lucky.

-''Sorry,kitty,but I gotta go''

He stood up and walked to swings it violently and just when he is about to leave,he turns around and shoots me one of his stupid apollegetic smiles...what a stupid bastard.

Kyle's POV;

When I exited the room I felt like electricity was moving through my body nonstop.I couldn't stop this was coming too strong onto me.I couldn't handle problems with my future profession,the suffocating care of my parents(my mom actually),snucking in the cat,keeping a secret and the unbearable feeling of getting caught.I just couldn't cope with all this.

I felt on the edge of breaking down.I just wanted a little rest,but now I had to get down stairs and eat supper with my thinking of facing my mother made my tempels hurt.

I might as well get it huge steps jumping 2-3 stairs at a time i got my way to the dinner-room I left my jacket on the hanger(till now I haven't known that I was wearing it ).

Entering the dinner-room I heard my mother shriek

-''Kyle,what happend to you?''

-''Why?Whats wrong?''-I asked

-''Your new shirt...It's all muddy and wet...Kyle,what happend to you?''-This was a question with no right answers.

-''A car splashed me.''-I lied

-''What about your jacket is it wet,too?And why are your pants dry?...Kyle have you been fighting with Eric again,if it's so I'll call his mother right away.''

I couldn't stand it was she thinking that I'm little child who can't survive without her soothing breast and thoughtful phone calls.

-''WHY CAN'T YOU STOP MESSING INTO MY LIFE! I'M NOT A CHILD ANYMORE. MY LIFE IS MY OWN RESPONSIBILITY.''

I knew that this wasn't the best way to react,but I couldn't care less.

-''You are wrong are still a child and while you are living under my roof your life is my responsibilyty''-Snaped my mother.I could see that she was barely controlling herself not to scream at me ,too.

-''WELL MAYBE...''-And just then my father cut me off.

-''Thats enough Kyle,calm down.''-said my father in one of those rare moments where he had more authority than my mother

Thank goodnes he actualy stopped because I don't know what would I have right now I felt like because of the words I've said but the whole fact that I screamed like that just to vend my frustration made me feel like a turd.I was really glad that my father knew when to take action.

-''Well,aren't you going to sit down and have dinner with us?''-Said my mother.I knew she just couldn't dropped it because otherwise she'll lose her is not something she can accept.

-'' and the guys stopped at Willy's before going home''-I lied again.I really didn't want to argue with her anymore tonight.

-''Then if your not hungry you can go take a shower.''-Said my father before my mother had the was holding her hand reassuringly.

I smiled weary to myself. I guess no matter what they truly are a nice couple.

-''Okay''-was my only responce.

When I got in front of my room I was about to collapse from all nontheless I enetered the room and lit the lamp the little drama that had played downstairs I totally forgot about the now I saw it standing on my chair and gazing at me with it's briliant 's tale was swiping around. I don't know why, but just looking at it made me thing-all dirty with mud.I knew I had little time and I had to use it in the fastest way possible I took everything off but my boxers.I wanted to get him to the bathroom and bathe him while everyone was in the dinner-room,but I guess the cat got other plans because it went under the bed .I bended over the bed and tried to grab him,but suddenly a familiar voice came behind me.

-''What are you doing?''

Oh,shit.


	3. PROBLEM!

Hello to all my readers.I want to apologize for chapters 1 and I have a huge problem with uploading the I do it most of the words or whole sentences are missing.I don't have any idea where the problem really first guess was that I used Notepad,but then I used Microsoft Word and there was no I tried editing on my Doc Manager again the same bullshit.I'm on the edge of pulling all of my hair from frustration.I actually reported my problem to the ''higher authorites''  
>of this site and I'm waiting for an everyone who might have even the slightest idea for a solution is welcomed.<br>Oh,I almost forgot.I must give my special thanks to Paratale and you for pointing out the don't worry you weren't mean at all. You were actually pretty sweet and you handled the problem really you guys I love so much,you and all my readers.

P.S;I wouln't be surprised if this gets butchered sorry in I'll keep trying till the problem is solved so don't worry this story WON'T be dropped.


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